What are we to do to make our relationship(s) work successfully?

Most relationships/partnerships have conditions, these conditions are very often set by us and can cause many problems within our relationships, and these conditions can be:

• You must only love me

• You should see things my way

• You should be successful

• You should never show yourself up in front of others

• You should never be late for me

• You should always back me up

• You should not have your own friends

• You must never say no to me

• You should always share things with me

• You must never spend time away from me

• You must be there for me at all times

• You must never be in a bad mood with me

These are common in most relationships and are controlling the way your relationships will develop. The words ‘should’, ‘should not’, ‘must’, to quote a coaching colleague of mine are ‘mustabating words’. This way of being could cause damage to any relationship.

So why do we do it? Why do we create our own difficult relationships? How do we sabotage the very relationships we are trying to make perfect?

SWe have to look internally at how we are doing this to the relationship. If we don’t we don’t deserve a fulfilling relationship. You have to communicate your dissatisfactions about your relationship to your partner, at the earliest possible stage.

There are people who look for help to rekindle their relationship or when things go wrong in a relationship. There are also people who don’t look for help because of the fear they have around the possible outcomes if they do seek help. These fears could be:

• That there is somebody else involved

• That secrets may be disclosed

• The fear of rejection

• That the feelings of love are gone

• That there is a stigma about seeking help

• That it’s a waste of time

What is the worst thing that could happen if you were to seek help in your relationship? The main purpose of seeking help is to provide an environment for each partner to feel safe and comfortable about discussing their own needs within the relationship, needs which they have may have been unable to fulfil themselves.

When people do not seek assistance in their relationships, unfortunately they may continue to despair and eventually begin to live in separate worlds.

What are your needs in a relationship?

• The need for respect and security

• The need for emotional support

• The need to be valued

• The need to offer respect, care and support to your partner

• The need for gratification

• The need to share responsibilities

• The need to be listened to

• The need for the differences to be valued and respected

• The need for communication

• The need for social events

• The need for financial equality

• The need for personal progression

• The need for independence

• The need to provide the above to your partner

If all of these needs are met by both partners, without one or the other partner suffering as a result, you will have a blissful and successful relationship and partnership.

The ideal relationship is where you will both benefit from the relationship. Both partners also need space to develop as individuals within the relationship. In order for us to develop the relationship and ourselves we have to:

• Have a personal relationship with ourselves

• Engage and interact with each other

• Demonstrate unconditional love for each other

• Live in the moment not the past

• Express our feelings

• Respond to the feelings of your partner

• Communicate openly with each other

• Take responsibility for our own behaviour

• Provide support

• Take actions that will build our partners self worth and self-esteem

One of the most important parts of any relationship is curiosity. Curiosity is how we find out about each other, what we each like and dislike. If we know this about each other and we don’t infringe on each other’s likes or dislikes our relationship will run smoothly.

A relationship can be custom made for both parties; it can become a powerful relationship that fits both of your careers and personal development.

What is relationship coaching about? Relationship coaching can be both challenging and rewarding. The challenge is to make the relationship work and the reward is when it begins to work again, the way you want it to be.

One of the common misunderstandings about coaching is that it is just about getting things done. Coaching is not only about action, it is about learning also. In relationship coaching we do both, we learn about each other and ourselves and then we take action.

The key to the success of relationship coaching is the ability of the individual to allow the other to grow and evolve- to take care of oneself and one’s partner.

If you have any queries in relation to the above, or indeed my coaching, please contact me at.

Greg Dalton, Life, Career & Relationship/Partnership Coaching